Valentine’s day was a lot easier when I was a kid. It was a time where looking cute and wearing jorts were not mutually exclusive. Also since giving valentines to everyone in homeroom was a mandate, you always got a valentine from your crush. And it was so cute the way that said crush threw the valentine at me while jokingly muttering “I’m only giving this to you because the teacher made me,” before flipping me off.
Young love is so pure.
Not only that, but it was accepted practice to pass out badass X-Men valentines, and any day that involves a Gambit card that reads, “I’m Yours, chere!” — presumably spoken in his cool and sultry Cajun voice — is a good day for me.
Now that I’m in my 20s, Valentine’s day is much more complicated, and the same questions perpetuate themselves year in and year out: how much money should I spend on a Valentine’s day present? Where should we go out to eat? Will you look at this and tell me if it’s chlamydia?
I tend to make my Valentine’s day presents because it’s really quite thoughtful and if you play your cards right almost nobody realizes you’re actually very cheap.
My architectural aptitude was put to the test when creating this chocolate box as my patience for schematics and precision is much like Mr T’s mohawk: short and possibly full of lice. Once in school during wood shop I built a birdhouse that looked like what bird nightmares are made of, and I imagine the only birds to visit my birdhouse were streetwalkers and those with leprosy.
In any case I talked my way out of a D by telling my shop teacher that the uneven angles and incomplete infrastructure was an obvious socio-realistic piece depicting shanty homes in bird ghettos with slight surrealistic undertones. It was then I learned that the shop teacher was Goliath and my quick wit and bullshittery were David’s stone, and thus I got an A in spite of being the absolute worst at building birdhouses. This box turned out a bit better than that, thankfully.
I feel a bit of a charlatan with this post, because I didn’t actually cook anything. I melted chocolate and turned it into four chocolate walls. That’s not cooking, that’s construction. And also cheating.
In any case, if you’re
cheap at a loss for what to get your dumb valentine dumb valentine, then you should melt down some chocolates, turn it into a box and fill it with white chocolate covered strawberries! You’ll either impress with your creative abilities or severely annoy them because you forgot they’re allergic to chocolate and now they’re dying.
Either way, good job.
*Just a side note: I am still not eating sugar and going 40 days strong…ish. I even washed off the chocolate that got on my hands instead of licking it off, which is just plain sacrilege.
Chocolate Box Filled with White Chocolate Strawberries
[print_this]Recipe: Chocolate Box Filled with White Chocolate Strawberries
Preparation time: 1 hour(s)
Number of servings (yield): 2-4
- 8 oz dark melting chocolate (Wilton chocolate candy melts work best as they don’t melt in room temperature)
- 12 oz strawberries
- 8 oz melted white chocolate, for dipping
- 14×18 cookie sheet
- Wax paper
- Xacto knife or any thin, sharp kitchen knife
- Small paintbrush or small sponge
- Place dark chocolate into a microwave safe bowl and microwave on 50% power at 30 second intervals, stirring between each interval, until melted and smooth.
- Line an 18×14 cookie sheet with wax paper and pour melted chocolate, spreading evenly until it was roughly 1/8″ thick. Do not make it too thin otherwise the walls will crack.
- Place tray in fridge for 5 minutes to just set the chocolate, not letting it harden completely.
- Remove from fridge and use a ruler and the knife to etch the following dimensions into the chocolate without cutting all the way through: two 4×4″ squares for bottom and lid squares, four 4×2 1/2″ squares for the walls. Place back into fridge for half hour to harden completely.
- Remove chocolate from fridge and break along edges, saving leftover pieces. Re-melt leftover pieces for assembly.
- Place one 4×4 square down on a fresh sheet of wax paper and paint or sponge a small amount of melted chocolate along the edge, making sure to work quickly as the chocolate will dry fast. Quickly press one of the wall pieces against the melted chocolate and hold for twenty seconds. Then paint one connective side of the wall and the edge of the bottom square on the same side, pressing another wall piece against it for twenty seconds or until it holds firm. Continue with all sides until all four walls are erected. Do not attach the lid at any point.
- Melt the white chocolate using the same method as before and dip the strawberries in one at a time, and continue holding the dipped strawberry upside-down until the white chocolate has hardened — this will make the strawberry look nicer as opposed to lying down on wax paper to dry.
- Fill box with strawberries, give to Valentine, and hope for the best.